As parents, it’s a phrase we’ve heard countless times: “They’re teenagers; it’s just a phase.” It’s often said with a shrug, an attempt to reassure us that the defiance, the mood swings, and the eye rolls are fleeting—something they’ll grow out of when they mature. On the surface, it’s a comforting idea. If we just hang on long enough, they’ll magically become well-adjusted adults who see us as wise and wonderful.
But what if this mindset does more harm than good? What if dismissing their behavior as “just a phase” misses opportunities to address the underlying needs behind their actions? And what if, by brushing off their struggles or conflicts as temporary, we are lulled into complacency and overlook the dangers in the murky waters ahead?
Why This Belief Deserves Rethinking
While adolescence is undoubtedly a time of growth and change, the way we respond to our teens during this phase can shape their sense of identity, confidence, and the foundation of your relationship for years to come. Let’s dig deeper into what’s really at risk.
Risky Behavior and Altered Life Paths
Adolescents are wired to start reaching for independence. Adding in hormones with big emotions and a lack of worldly experience can be a dangerous mixture when the teenager rejects our guidance and alienates themselves. This period of time that they are alienated from us as parents is ripe for risky behavior and impulsive decisions that can alter the course of their lives. Loss of scholarships, pregnancy, incarceration, and those types of undesired life alterations are very real possibilities. However, this risk can be mitigated by working to stay connected to your teen so that they will be open to your guidance.
Escalated Conflict Deteriorates the Relationship Permanently
The dynamics of this stage are commonly accompanied by conflict and can lead to disruption in the family. Without a dedicated effort to reclaim connection in the relationship, dysfunctional patterns can develop, and permanent damage to the relationship can stay with you both throughout the years
Conclusion: Choose Connection Over Complacency
The teenage years are undeniably challenging, but they’re also an incredible opportunity to shape the future—both for your teen and for your relationship with them. Dismissing their struggles or conflicts as “just a phase” risks losing the chance to understand, guide, and connect with them during this critical time. Instead of waiting for them to “grow out of it,” lean in. Seek to understand the emotions and needs behind their behavior, and prioritize connection over correction.
By staying engaged and responsive, you not only help your teen navigate these tumultuous years with more confidence and security, but you also lay the groundwork for a lasting, meaningful relationship. Parenting through the teenage years isn’t about survival—it’s about showing up, staying present, and building trust that will carry you both through the years to come. Remember, this phase is temporary, but the impact of your connection can last a lifetime.